


The Jelly Bear Incident of 6th Grade

by milesss



Series: milesss' sanders sides fic [5]
Category: Sanders Sides (Web Series)
Genre: (no alcohol was consumed or manhandled in the making of this story), Business, Capitalism, Entrepreneurship, Gen, Middle School, alcohol mention, disclaimer: im not paying your dentistry bills. you were warned, warning: may result in an impromptu visit to the dentist
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-07-19
Updated: 2018-07-19
Packaged: 2019-06-12 11:29:12
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,193
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15338907
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/milesss/pseuds/milesss
Summary: Inspired bythis postby @literalstardust, because I was bombarded with reblogs of it throughout the day (it is admittedly a very good story, and deserves the reblogs)





	The Jelly Bear Incident of 6th Grade

**Author's Note:**

  * Inspired by [stories from school: The Jellybear Incident of 6th Grade](https://archiveofourown.org/external_works/398673) by literalstardust. 



> wrote this instead of going to bed. in my defense, when inspiration strikes, you kind of _have_ to grab it by the teat and milk it for all it’s worth.
> 
> clarification: middle school refers to grades 6-8 - the “tween years”. I understand this is not the case in some places.
> 
> [ALSO THERES ART NOW](http://the-pastel-peach.tumblr.com/post/177881978562/2-lovely-commissions)

Logan was, to utilize a popular meme, “feeling god in this chili’s tonight”.

One could wax poetical for several paragraphs about the discovery he had made; rant and rave about the luck, the ingenious, the opportunity; all the while obfuscating the item about which the [violaceous](https://www.merriam-webster.com/dictionary/violaceous) [prose](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Purple_prose) would have spoke.

But why waste your time.

Logan had discovered the website that the school purchased fundraiser prizes and Scholastic Book Fair [tchotchke](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Tchotchke) from.

Upon seeing the pricing, his economically-inclined 6th-grade mind instantly made the connection. This was the entrepreneurial opportunity of the century.

At 20 cents a pop, he purchased 120 jelly bears, totaling to $36.05 with shipping [[shipping quote from here]](http://www.redemptiontoys.com). One week later, they arrived. Logan loaded up his backpack and marched to school, ready to turn these [ursine](https://www.merriam-webster.com/dictionary/ursine) capsules into pure money at $1.50 apiece.

Within the 20 minutes before the first bell rang, Logan broke even on his investment. Jelly bears were selling like hotcakes left and right, his peers eager to drop a small portion of their lunch money on glittery, jelly-filled keychains for which they had no keys.

Within two days, Logan was almost $150 richer, and rapidly ordering more.

—

Over the next month, Logan’s business grew to prosperity. No matter how many he sold, more kids showed up, bearless and bearing quarters. Mathematically speaking, of course, it made sense. The school was one of 1700 students; what with shipping time, Logan could only buy and sell so many. And that wasn’t even considering the students who came back for more.

—

“Hello, Virgil. Back again?”

“Yeah, can I get-” Virgil counted his quarters carefully, then counted again. “Three?”

Logan glanced over the small piles in his acquaintance’s hand.

“For my most frequent customer, [I’ll _yeet_ -” and here Logan dabbed - “you a deal.](https://78.media.tumblr.com/e84aabfdf31d89ea792de6e624277052/tumblr_penpybJES21sye7l5o1_1280.png) Five for five.”

Virgil glanced guiltily to the side. “I can’t accept your deal without telling you something…”

“Do go on?” Logan prompted.

“I’ve been selling these for five dollars in my neighborhood.”

“Ah, a fellow entrepreneur. How astute of you! I am afraid I must modify my offer, however. Four for five?”

Virgil thought it over. And thought. And thought. Virgil was in remedial math.

“That would be 1.25 apiece instead of 1.50,” Logan clarified gently.

“Right. Yeah, I’ll take it.” Virgil passed Logan the handful of quarters, and Logan dug the box of jelly bears out of his backpack. He stored bears and money alike in a toy metal safe his parents had bought him for Christmas the past year. Exchanging goods, the two parted ways to their next classes.

—

Patton was a tall eighth grader, on the basketball team, rumored to have been seen kissing _Roman Prince_ behind the bleachers during gym. Patton was also maybe slightly addicted to buying jelly bears from Logan.

It wasn’t an addiction, he reasoned, if it was less for the bears and more because Patton was just so darned proud of the kid! Eleven years old and already starting his first business!! Patton had googled the price of jelly bears at home, and he was truly wasting his money buying from Logan. But he just couldn’t help it!! The kid was clever enough to come up with the idea, he deserved to be rewarded with a loyal customer!!!

Patton jogged up to Logan towards the end of 6th grade lunch, in between his 4th and 5th period classes. “Hi Logan!!!”

“Ah. Hello Patton. Which jelly bear would you like today?”

Patton thought it over, mentally skimming the row of keychains he had lined up along the top of his headboard. He was missing three - Playful, Lovely, and Goddess. “I’ll take two, actually! Goddess and Princess?”

Logan pulled the safe out of his backpack and rifled through as Patton pulled three dollars out of his Cookie Cat coin purse. The exchange was made and Patton trotted off to his next class with a “Bye Logan!!!” tossed over his shoulder.

Logan turned around and immediately rammed face first into _Roman Prince, Star Of Every Musical Since He Began Attending This School (Three), Dream Boy Of All_. Or so Logan had heard. They had never been acquainted.

Roman jumped back and pointed dramatically directly between Logan’s eyes. “You!!!!”

Logan raised an eyebrow. “Me?”

“You are the boy selling jelly bears!!!!! The jelly bears that one Patton Foley collects!!!!!!!!!!”

“…Yes.”

Roman half-crouched to improperly privately commune with the shorter 6th grader, despite being only a few inches taller. “You. _MUST_. Inform me of which jelly bears he has not yet acquired.”

Logan narrowed his eyes. “Five dollars.”

“Three.”

“Four.”

“Three-fiddy.”

“Three seventy-five. Final offer.”

“Deal.”

“He has not yet acquired Playful or Lovely. It may also interest you to know that he recently bought a second Princess.”

Roman nodded thoughtfully. “Interesting… very interesting. Very well! I shall purchase this “Playful” and this “Lovely”! And I shall woo my beau!! And we shall live happily ever after forevermore!!!”

Logan nodded obligingly. “I’m sure. My money?”

Roman rifled through his Disney Princess wallet, pulling out seven ones. “You have change?” Logan nodded, pulling out his safe and producing a quarter and the purchased bears. As Logan tucked the money and the safe away, Roman bounded off, bears clutched tightly in fist.

—

Roman stood in the shade of the bleachers, waiting for basketball practice to let out. He watched the game with less confusion than he would have felt only a month ago, though still more confusion than your average everyman with a casual interest in basketball. Roman was not very sports-minded. He zoned out a bit watching Patton run back and forth, bouncing the ball and throwing it.

A loud bang echoed around the gym as one of the players cherry-bombed the basketball towards the ball crate, and the gym teacher blew her whistle loudly, yelling “put the ball away WITH YOUR HANDS!” The other players meandered into the locker rooms as the first one chased down the ball and mock-slam-dunked it into the wire crate, before setting it gently in and following after his brethren.

A few minutes later the majority of the players streamed past him out the door, a few slowing to high-five or fist-bump him, or punch him in the shoulder as they passed, one lowly bellowing _“ROMAANN!!_ ”. Thankfully, as per usual, Patton was the last out, having had to wriggle back into his binder (sometimes a several-minute ordeal).

“Patton, my dearheart!” Roman spoke, stepping out of the shadow of the bleachers as the love of his life approached.

Patton grinned broadly and bounced over. “Roman!! Hi!!!”

Roman fidgeted with the gifts he held behind his back. “Patton, my darling. I was wondering if I could ask you a question. You see, I was wondering if perhaps you may be interested in, ah,” [Roman pulled his hands from behind his back. “I-got-you-these-do-you-want-to-go-steady-with-me!”](https://78.media.tumblr.com/30c13339e0ba4ddb0ec2826f3d1561b5/tumblr_penpybJES21sye7l5o2_1280.png)

“Aww!!! Roman!!!!! Thank you so much!!!!!!” Patton took the two jelly bears and threw his arms around his new boyfriend. “I’d love to go steady with you!!!!” He pulled back. “I got you something too!!”

Patton rifled around in his bag and pulled out the second jelly bear he had purchased. No longer, however, did it read “Princess” - careful application of a heart sticker had seen to that.

Patton passed the “Prince” bear over, smiling widely. “I was actually gonna ask you the same thing!!”

—

The next day, Logan was called out of advanced math and down to the principal’s office.

Logan had never been to the principal’s office. He was, in colloquial terms, a “lame weeny”. In a school that boasted multiple fights a week, he had never expected to find himself sharing the same room many of his bloodied peers had been sentenced to suspension in. And yet.

He entered the office. The secretary smiled sympathetically at him and led him into the side room. She sat him in a large, polyurethane-cushioned chair, where he shook for a solid three minutes until and after the vice-principal entered the room.

“Mr. Sanders,” intoned the vice-principal. In her hand, she delicately held a sparkly red Diva jelly bear.

—

Logan endured the several-minute long lecture on the forbidden nature of sales on school grounds without explicit permission from a faculty member. He was forced to turn all his wares over to the school (though they thankfully let him keep the safe and the money), and was released with a warning, on good faith, due to his lack of previous misdemeanors and good grades.

—

Virgil joined Logan’s table at lunchtime. “Hey. Any chance you can cut me another deal?”

“My apologies, Virgil, but it appears I have been shut down.” Logan relayed the events of that morning.

“They confiscated your jelly bears?!”

“They confiscated my jelly bears.”

“ _Why???_ ”

“Of that, I am not sure. They claim it is not permitted that one sell wares on school grounds without permission; however, I have been in business for a month. Surely they would have stopped me by now if it was such a grievous misdemeanor as such to necessitate calling me out of class.”

“Uh. What.”

“Additionally, it is rather suspicious that they felt it necessary to confiscate my entire stock. Why could they not simply ask me to store my wares in my locker until the end of the day and refrain from bringing them to school tomorrow? There must be something more to this beyond mere restriction of unpermitted sales.”

“Dude, I have no idea what half the words you’re using mean.”

“My apologies. I mean to say: I am not allowed to sell things unless the teachers say I can. However, I believe that if it were such an important rule, they would have told me to stop sooner. Plus, they took my stuff, which wasn’t necessary. Therefore, I can only conclude - I think there might be something else going on.”

“Oh. Like what?”

“Of that I am not certain. This requires further investigation.”

—

Roman was guaranteed to be in one place and one place only on Monday-Wednesday-Friday afternoons - the auditorium. Logan and Virgil made their way down the aisles to where the cast of _Cinderella_ were rifling through costume racks on stage.

Logan raised his voice to call out “Roman! May I speak with you!”

A few theatre kids giggled, but Roman turned and and called back “Yes, a moment, however, if you will.” He returned the cheap princely halloween costume to its hanger, then trotted to the edge of the stage and hopped down to stand in front of the forced-ceased businessman. “What can I do for you?”

“I - that is to say, my jelly bears business has been shut down. I find the timing and stratagem employed by the administration suspicious. You are in contact with the rumor mill, yes?”

“I suppose one could say that.” Roman looked away in false modesty. “I do, indeed, have connections.”

“Would you investigate this matter for me?”

“Twenty bucks.”

“Ten.”

“Eighteen.”

“Twelve.”

“Sixteen.”

“Thirteen.”

“Fifteen. Final offer.”

“Deal. Seven now and the rest once you get me the info.”

“Deal.”

Logan slipped Roman his seven ones and left, gently grabbing Virgil’s elbow as he went.

“Dude, that was some wicked haggling.”

Logan reddened slightly. “Well, hm, thank you.”

—

A week later, Roman pulled Logan aside between 6th and 7th period.

“I got the info. Not sure if you’re gonna believe me, but I swear it’s true.”

Logan raised an eyebrow. “I’ll be the judge of that.”

Roman nodded. “Well, rumor has it, the administration had reason to believe you were filling them with vodka.”

Logan’s brain thunked. He imagined it made a noise not unlike a computer error-beep. Half formed thoughts of confusion and flatteration and incredulity and offense raced through his head. Finally, he settled into a train of thought.

“They thought I was selling jelly bears of vodka for a buck fifty?!?! I’m in _advanced math!_ I am, quite frankly, offended they would think I’d make such a poor investment. I mean honestly-”

“Save it for your emo friend and give me my money, kid.”

Logan passed over a full ten, still bluescreening. Roman was kind enough to return the $2 change.

—

“- If I was filling them with vodka, I’d charge at _least_ $5. Both to make back my investment and to justify the labor! Although, I _am_ feeling a bit flattered, if I’m being honest. I’m flattered they thought that _I_ , at the tender age of eleven, was capable, both in skill and patience, of somehow draining the [aqueous](https://www.merriam-webster.com/dictionary/aqueous) material from the jelly bears, re-filling them with vodka somehow-”

“Probably with a syringe.”

“Yes, probably with a syringe - And resealing them _without a trace_. I am uncertain how one might even achieve that. Any heating of the plastic would leave tell-tale melted marks. But regardless. I still have 48 jelly bears at home, and no use for them. If I bring them tomorrow morning, will you meet me just off school grounds? I’ll sell you the lot for $25. Just don’t let any teacher see you have them.”

“How much is that?”

“About 50 cents each.”

“Yeah, I’ll take it. Hey, wanna get ice cream after school?”

“That would be satisfactory.”

**Author's Note:**

> constructive criticism welcome. deconstructive criticism will be constructively criticized, and is not welcome.  
> [on tumblr](http://jughead-is-canonically-aroace.tumblr.com/post/176055595196/the-jelly-bear-incident-of-6th-grade)


End file.
